Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
A guy gets up really early in the morning to go ice fishing. He goes out onto the ice with his tent, his pick and his fishing rod, and starts to pick at the ice. Then he hears a big booming voice: "THERE`S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"The guy looks around and then starts to pick at the ice again. Then he hears the voice again: "THERE`S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"Now the guy is getting a little edgy. He looks up, "God, is that you?"There is no answer, so he starts picking again. "THERE`S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!"Then the guy yells "God! is that you?""NO, IT`S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!!"
Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all, while the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secret is."mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," is the reply."I`m sorry, what did you say?""mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," the successful fisherman repeats."I`m sorry, I still didn`t understand you." The man spits something into his hand and says very clearly,"You`ve got to keep your worms warm."
The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."The American then asked, "Why didn`t you stay out longer and catch more fish?"The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family`s needs."The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise."The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years.""But what then?" asked the Mexican.The American laughed and said that`s the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.""Millions?...Then what?"The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I`d like to see your fishing licenses.""We don`t have any." replied the first blonde."Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden."But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren`t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we`re collecting debris off the bottom of the river."The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn`t he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"